ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
