So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Floor bacon is actually really good
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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