end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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