Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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