dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize