I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
