he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
