dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
