I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
