I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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