Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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