i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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