dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
