I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
