after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
