my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
