We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
