The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
