You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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