i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
