You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
