Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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