I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
