drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
