just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
