I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
