I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize