Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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