So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize