They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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