So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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