Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
