Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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