Umm I'm too high to move.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
