i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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