I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
