Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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