You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
