The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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