I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
