$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
