you guys were way drunker than both of me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize