I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
