I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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