it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
