what day is it and did you see me today?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
