its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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