I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
