id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
