singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
