they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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