So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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