I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
