Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
