My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
