now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
