Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
