is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
