The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
