It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
