Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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