do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
