I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
