I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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