I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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