Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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