It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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