Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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