You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
