yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
