the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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