things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
