remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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