$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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